Assertive vs Aggressive, Which Will It Be?
If people think your response is bitchy or not tends to depend on if you are a female (or identify as one). If you are already rolling your eyes, this blog post is not for you. Women have had an uphill battle to be taken seriously. Still, we face this every day. If you are direct and assertive you are bitchy, or aggressive or rude or combative or disruptive or loud, or too emotional (love that one). These are all ways that we are made to feel small and feel out of place. Not any more ladies. Stand up, stand tall. Whether you are wearing heels or chucks. No one can ‘invalidate’ you without your permission.
It all started with the phrase, be nice. When girls are about 10 they are told, smile, be nice, be accommodating, be ready to give everything, don’t tip the boat. Day after day we were reprogrammed right into the mold. This simple fact has gotten many of us in very dangerous situations. We don’t want to appear rude or that someone won’t like us. Saying NO or leave me alone or go away was just no longer in our vocabulary. I don’t even need to give examples, any woman reading this right now knows exactly each situation she was in when her head told her to run and her manners told her to remain. Behave. Follow orders.
Don’t be bitchy!
How do we unlearn this dirty little secret and be ok with being bitchy? With saying no. Of course, it can be done, men do it all the time. I am not suggesting we act like men, I am suggesting that we be honest about our needs and feelings and say what we really mean. Perhaps the reason why women seem so emotional is that we are hiding our true emotions behind a huge shield of shoulds. Which becomes quite difficult to keep hidden and the conflict makes us appear scattered and flip-floppy on decisions.
The best advice I can tell you is to take a deep breath. Pause. Then proceed with your truth. But let it be real truth. No judging, no hiding, no manipulation of details. Straight honest truth for you. Telling your truth can be scary, but take courage, you can learn how to do this. Start with something easy then move up to harder situations. Courage and confidence will help you to speak your truth. TrueSelf is so important your true self core is your guide. You know what you really want. Be ok to say it.